When is it time to move on?
July 10, 2020
Are you spending years of your life investing in the wrong person? Paralyzed by fear that they are the last person on earth . . .

Sinking more time, energy and emotion in something that is never going to pay off. If your relationship is so unstable and tempestuous now, why would you want to lock it in for the next forty years?

 

Dear Jennifer, I am 40 years old and have been dating a gentleman for 5 years in a long-distance relationship. I want to get married and have a family. I know or feel like my time is running out. My boyfriend knows all of this. He has alluded to marriage, but nothing has happened to make this happen. I love him but I do not know if I can continue to stay if he does not step up. He never visits me. I always come to him and he has never shown any attempts to move into a permanent situation. What should I do? How can I improve my relationship, how can I get him to step up to the plate, how can I have the happy family that I have always wanted?

I want the happily ever after, Lin

Dear Lin,

I would say I need a little more information however, no matter how much information I get from you one thing is obvious to me. Your guy doesn’t want to get married and from this view doesn’t see you as a permanent fixture in his life. And instead of having the courage to let you go and find the man who would be your husband, he’s selfishly stringing you along. Basically, he would rather have a long-distance girlfriend than to start over. But guess what? So, would you. Sure, it’s easy to blame the man who strings you along for five years, but at what point do you look in the mirror and take responsibility for the years you’ve wasted in a dead-end dysfunctional relationship? At a certain point you should have had a ring on her finger. You might feel there is too much time invested to walk away now. Fear of starting over. Fear of being alone. Fear of not being able to “do better. However, you deserve better. Instead of trying to get him to take it further, invest your time in dating real, marriage and family-oriented men. Sometimes that means letting go of your fantasy and accepting reality.

XOXO, Jennifer J. Hayes

Ask the Love Expert Jennifer J. Hayes

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